Because I have sooo much stuff on my mind......

So, you say you want a boat. That's great. Boats are a blast, lots of fun. Before you buy the boat, I need you to do two things. First, put on your swimsuit. Now put some shorts and a t-shirt on. Get your flip-flops on. Go rent a humvee and fill it with premium gas. Drive around for two hours with the heater on. Go to the beach. Take off one flip flop. Stand in the hot sand, look longingly at the water. Don't touch the water. Stand around for about an hour like you're a homeless person looking at a bed at Jordan's Furniture. Get back in the humvee. Drive around for another two hours, fill the tank again. Drive for home. Get home. Swear. Go in the bathroom. Take $200 out of your wallet. Put it in the toilet. Flush.....if you can do all this.....you are ready to own a boat.

How do you know if you're ready to plan a wedding? Simple. Go out to the shed. Grab a leather punch and a spoon. Heat the leather punch by sticking it in an open flame. Stick the spoon in the freezer. In 30 minutes, I want you to pick either the hot leather punch or the frozen spoon.....AND JAM IT INTO YOUR EYE!!! This will show that you are fearless, willing, and ready to make difficult and painful decisions........

If I could have my way:

I'd like the theme song, "I'm Beebalicious", to be played every time I walked into a room

Every night, as I'd lay down in bed, I'd like to have Morgan Freeman do a narration/voiceover, something like, "After another long day, Marc had decided it was about that time to lay his head on a soft pillow and drift asleep. The stars will always shine, and the sun will always rise, and tonight he will sleep soundly"....

Miss Lippy would serve lunch to all my friends every day

Yoko Ono would never be allowed to make music again, and all previously created abominations would be erased from the history of the world

Nap time would be reinstated....and bob ross would still be alive painting little happy trees as we drifted asleep

Keifer Sutherland would do a "This meeting takes place between the hours of 2 and 3 pm" before the start of all meetings

People would stop saying to me, "you have waaay too much time"